De Raddeekayshun ob Bruddah Jones.

Yer honor, Jedge an' all de res'
Ah rise to exkermunicate,
To organize de tendency,
An' splain mahse'f mos' adequate.

De normity am mos' profoun'.
De bruptness am personified.
An' kose de tick tacks on boff sides,
Projects us somewhut modified.

Dey hain't no venue in dis case,
De skrootiny am fas' planked down,
De law am frusterkated so,
De jurisprudence on dis groun'.

Now see hyar Jedge, an' all de res',
Ah's hyar dis mawnin' to exclaim
Dat dis whol' rings er speeracy,
To 'vick Brer Jones it am er shame.

De fus ' place ah hain't seed no law,
In Blackstone ner in de almernack,
To prove dat Bruddah Jones am stole,
Dem chickens in dat coffee sack.

How de dickens, in de fus' place Jedge,
Ef ah mus' so vytrooperate,
On sich inquisser kayshessness,
Jedge, kin yo' dis expaysheate?

Ah radicates de microscope!
An' generates debillity.
To 'rase de tecknerkalities
An ' breeveate dis whol' decree.

Yo' knows, Jedge, whut ah's dribein' at,
Ah's got de bull squah by de tail.
Dis am er hen roos argument,
Ah specks some points am kinder frail.

But doan' yo' tinks ah hain't befo',
Had jes' sich hen roos' case lak dis!
Ah swah sah! on dis rabbit's foot,
Dis case am frail ez "Olly Twiss."

De tick tacks ob de circumstance,
Defilleates de microscope.
Dah being no loop holes in de law,
Wiff dis case it am hard to cope.

Ah's gwine to flosstercate erbit,
On rings pertainin' to sich stuff,
Ah specks befo' ah breeveates,
Ah'll spaysheate Jedge li'l rough.

Ah's somewhut handicapped mahse'f,
Ah hain't prezaxly fixed fo' battle,
De krosserskewshun ah done specks
Desahs to stumpede me lak cattle.

Kose Jedge, ah'd lak to hab mo' time,
To zamin' in de law some mo',
Ah kackerlates de ferment strong,
An' kose Jedge, dey's lots mo' to know.

All dis hyar ebb'dence 'pears to me
Er swallord gnat an' er swallord camel!
All dis stuffs jes' been Jedge, hatched up
To git Brer Jones in de brahs an' bramel.

Yo' kain't conspute deez fac's bejinks!
Dey stan' ez stedfas' ez de spinks!
Land sakes! Why Jedge it makes me tickle,
In spite Brer Jones seems in er pickle.

Ah's 'zamind whut shakespook done says,
An' took er glimpse at Paul an' Peter
Brer Jones am vinderkated dah,
In ebbry line an' ebbry meeter!

Dey's lots ob pressure fotchd to bare,
Dat's fundermental now an' den,
An' abdeekates bumbasstickly,
But dat doan' prove he stole er hen.

De horoscope am sanctified!
De muskkerdine it am mos' rude!
De allerbasker fermentares,
De circumstances all am crude!

Ah's tol' geehosserfat once said
De fillentroppic spirit am,
Incopious an' regenerates,
Wiffin de dusky race ob Ham.

Dahfo' ah skribes mahse'f pro-tem
To ax fo' habbiss korpusness.
To extricate dis 'tanglement,
An' free dis brudder in distress!

Now Jedge dey's no use foolin' 'roun';
Er dodgin' at dis, an' er dodgin' at dat.
Fac's am done been done splained by me,
Dey's no use takin' titt fo' tatt!

De adament inkulkates fac's!
De revised law disrupterkates.
De prelude fas' ersimmerlates,
An' swallers fac's an' massterkates!

Dey's no dygresshun ez ah spoze,
To comprehen de pennetooch!
Dey's nuff been flosserfied by me,
To get Brer Jones plum out dis skrootch.

De spectacle's extravagant!
De economics verified!
Ah captivates de pinacle,
An' all de res' Jedge am supplied!

All dis am high pofettical!
Combussterbel ez kyaroseen.
Er part an' paresoil theeorized,
De mos' conglomrate ah's done seen.

Brer Jones hain't stole no chickens, Jedge.
He am er Christian good an' strong.
He am er piller in de church,
He nebbah's done er ting dat's wrong.

Kose he laks chicken lak us all,
An' nebbah r'fuses ah mus' 'fess,
When ebbah it am passed eroun',
To kyarv hisse'f er batch ob bress'.

But he doan' 'low his appetite
To make him do er ting not right!
He sho' loves wattahmillun, Jedge!
Ah swah! he woulden' steal er bite.

De dignity, Jedge, ob mah job
Requires me to presippertate!
De sponserbillties frust on me,
To testify an' approbate.

Ah's sillerquized dis case er speck,
An' trompd 'roun' all dis legal groun'
Dey hain't no afferbillity
De krosserkewshun done am foun'.

De parables reverberrates,
De longitude done broadens out,
Say Jedge, come down to chicken fac's
Whut am all dis hyar fuss erbout?

De climax am extemporized!
De rectangle am hard to beat,
Ah advocates de rule in vain,
Ah moves we drap de gross reseat.

So Jedge, ah winds dis case tight up!
An' klood dat it am time to stop,
Ah hopes yo'll fertillize deez pints,
An' over on mah issue flopp!