Judge Boodle

A congressman Judge Boodle was,
A cunning chief in caucus,
Unversed in statesmanship and laws,
But able to out-talk us.

To Boodle came a lady fair,
In rich and radiant raiment,
Whose coaxing smile and lovelorn air
Betokened her a claimant.

"My name," she sighed, "is Edith Jane
Van Tromp de Duval Bates, sir;
And I am of the noblest strain
In these United States, sir.

"My father's sires in days of old
Led armies forth to battle;
My mother's kin had stores of gold
And lands and countless cattle.

"But cruel Time brought dark reverse.
Alas! the sad confession!
A claim against Columbia's purse
Is now my sole possession.

"To battle rode George Washington
Upon my grandsire's courser,
And when the victory was won
The courser was no more, sir.

"That faithful steed had borne our race
In saddle, chaise and pillion;
My father never saw his face,
But called him worth a million.

"And now, my gracious friend, display
The skill you oft have shown us;
Bring in a noble claim, and pay
Your labors with a bonus.

"Nor will I promise pelf alone;
This heart — my courage falters—
A woman's grateful heart shall throne
Your image on its altars."

John Boodle shed a manly tear
To see that lady's sorrow;
Then squeezed her hand, and said, "My dear,
I'll mount that horse to-morrow.

"I know my fellow congressmen
Will back a righteous measure;
And now, my Edith Jane, — or then, —
Be thou my life-long treasure."

She chided not, nor drew aside,
But leaned her drooping tresses
Against his heaving heart, and sighed,
"I'll pay you in caresses."

So Boodle every wire did pull,
Rolled logs with all creation,
And piped our glorious Capitol
To push his legislation.

Another tax! another loan!
The syndicates made honey;
The people drained out, groan by groan,
John Boodle's darling's money.

Then Edith Jane de Duval Bates
Invited to her wedding
The lobbyists of all the states
That paid her plate and bedding.

They came and bowed; the nuptial knot
Was tied; the time went cheery;
And not a knave or fool or sot
But envied John his deary.

Till midnight, revel swelled apace;
Till midnight, danced the lady.
But when the clock struck twelve, her face
Fell strangely weird and shady.

"Away! away!" she wildly cried.
"No need of wedding coaches!
One beast will carry groom and bride;
And swiftly he approaches."

Then galloped creaking to the door
That steed of legislation
Who nobly died in days of yore
To rise and munch the nation.

John Boodle scarcely caught his breath,
And pallid turned all faces,
To see that grinning horse of death
Curvet and show his paces.

The lady clapped an iron grip
Upon the bridegroom, saying,
"Away! begin your wedding trip!
The crisis grants no staying."

Oh, gladly had the Judge delayed
Another hour! till supper!
She mounted, beckoned; he obeyed,
And scrambled to the crupper.

One arm around his wife he threw,
Much longing for a saddle;
And then away, away, they flew
As fast as Hell could straddle.

The bridal feasters howled with fright,
The bridegroom ballowed louder;
But naught availed; adown the night
He darted, quick as powder.

He clutched his frightful charger's bones
To save himself from falling,
And rode with many twists and groans,
For fearful was the mauling.

Between the yellow ribs, the air
Sucked rawly with a whistle;
He looked behind, no tail was there
Except a point of gristle.

Grim riders joined them, fearful things,
Bent warlocks, withered witches,
Some-scaling high on wilted wings,
Some shooting low on switches.

"Hurrah! hurrah!" the wizards bawled;
"Judge Boodle leads the rabble,"
"Push on! push on!" the witches squalled;
"What fun to see him scrabble!"

At last, afar, yet drawing nigh,
He spied that monstrous scorcher,
The lake of Eblis burning high,
The red abyss of torture.

He strove to coax, he strove to chide,
He clamored hoarse and hoarser;
But nothing recked his fearful bride,
And nothing checked his courser.

The steed became a shooting star,
The wife became a devil;
And on they sped, the swiftest far
Of all the hell-bound revel.

He reached the lake, and leaped, and lit,
A flashing, ashing ember!
No more in Washington may sit
And spout and steal our member.